How to Tell if You're Ready

When we’re jumping into something new, it's normal and even at times expected to be excited. That’s a good thing! Take note, however, that there are two types of excitement associated with a new or bigger career opportunity. Dr. John Demartini does a great job at describing these, and I’ll try my best to summarize this for you.

First, there’s the type of excitement that’s associated with the desire to tell people about the”big”  deal or opportunity in your career. Here, your ‘rose-coloured-view’ often takes over the realities of the job itself. With this type of excitement, there’s a pretty big element of realism that’s lacking; you end up minimizing the accountabilities, responsibilities, challenges, and underestimating the effect that it has on your life, time, and relationships. If you assume there are way more exciting benefits than challenges and drawbacks, you are blindly infatuated with the opportunity. Your imbalanced perspective is a sign that you are not ready to handle the challenges that get thrown your way (which are guaranteed to come, by the way).

It’s kind of like dating someone new without acknowledging that the person has two sides to them. In the beginning, maybe you’re only focusing on one side - how attractive they are, how much they make you laugh, how sweet and charming they can be. You’re not necessarily acknowledging that there’s another side to them (like the fact that they get really hangry, are always late to things and have terrible road rage). Every person has two sides, just like every opportunity and situation has two sides: the benefits and drawbacks. You just have to look for them.

On the other hand, if the new opportunity you’re jumping into is fully in line with your values, passions, you’re balanced with your perceptions and don’t have lopsided expectations about what may present itself before you in terms of challenges and adversity, you’ve got a way better shot. When you’re looking at the opportunity like a career advancement, a new challenge instead of your “big break”, you’re more prepared for it.

It’s about being grounded and grateful for the opportunity, challenges and responsibilities that come with any new event in your career. Anything you have a balanced perspective on you will manage wisely.

As always, thanks for reading.

WIth love,

Natalie

Career Dilemma

Many people believe that once they are in an unfulfilling job or career path, that they should either stick it out or get used to this as their new reality. They do this for the sake of stability, reliability, and the safety net of retirement. The thought behind this is that they have a belief that: 1) you can’t get paid well for doing something you actually like OR 2) you can’t enjoy both the work you do and get paid well for it because that’s an unrealistic and overly optimist dream - something for the youth.

Reality is, you have a choice at any point in your career. You can find your way by shifting your mindset, making some long overdue changes, and slowly transitioning into a career you’d rather be doing.

Here are some steps to making the most of a career dilemma.

1. Ask yourself questions

Think about all the components of the jobs/projects throughout your career that you’ve really enjoyed. Why was it that you liked those components about the job? How were those activities supporting your passions, values, interests?

If you could write a wishlist with the ideal parts that your career would have, what would they be? What would that look like?

2. Who are your inspirations?

 

Take time to read more about, or research your areas of interest. Think of a person in history or in your life whom you admire. Which of those qualities would you like to emulate? These qualities can relate to their character, achievements, personality, or simply the way they live their lives. Consider the specific reasons you admire the person.

Look for mentors or people in your desired profession to speak with.

3. Make a change or reinvent your role

 

Sometimes it takes a crisis for us to make a big change in our lives. We get to a point where we cannot live another day like the last - we are no longer fulfilled and have lost that so-called spring in our step. When making a change becomes less painful or difficult than staying in the same situation, that’s when we make a career move.

As an alternative to a completely new career path, it may pay to simply make a few changes to the role you currently have and/or look within the organization you are currently in to see where you feel you are able to serve best.

We are never too old, too entrenched in any given profession or lacking the resources to make a change when it comes to our careers. The key is to focus on the experience gained, the relationships made and the skills acquired, rather than making excuses for not moving forward.

Thanks for stopping by and reading.

With love,

Natalie

Focus

I’m a lucky gal to know a fair share of talented people and something I’ve learnt consistently through the years is that no matter how accomplished we are and how much we’ve achieved, it’s almost impossible to get rid of our feelings of self-doubt.

Some of that has to do with the fact that building self-confidence in different areas of our lives is a lifelong process because we are continuously comparing ourselves to others. Thing is, we're often playing the comparison game - comparing ourselves to what others have done and have accomplished. In doing this, we are not fully appreciating ourselves, and acknowledging all we have to offer. We often hold ourselves back because we keep comparing ourselves to others and we are too humble to admit that what we are seeing in the people we admire is inside us as well.

When we spend time on doubt, fear, or low-priority actions, this slows down our accomplishment process. When we take our minds off our focus, intention or goal,  all we see are obstacles. When our mind is focused on our dreams, we don’t have time for the many self-doubts that block them.

Have you noticed that when you’re busy, you often accomplish and create much more? The more intensely you’re focused and in action, and the longer you maintain that focus, the faster you reach your accomplishments (time x intensity = results).

Thank you as always for reading.

With love,

Natalie

The Purpose of Negative Thinking

Our brains are wired to perceive anything that is foreign or different in our environments as a threat. While that was useful over two hundred thousand years ago because it meant we could react when it came to being chased by lions, tigers, and bears - Oh My! As modern men and women, we still have this response even though we don’t have the same kinds of threats in our environment. What that also means is that we may be overly focused on the negative, for the wrong reasons.

In the context of our careers and work life -- if left unchecked -- our negativity bias (often fear based) can steal valuable hours of productivity, can hold us back from what we’re trying to accomplish and decrease our overall sense of joy and satisfaction.

However, let’s look at how negativity both serves us and hinders us:

Our negative thoughts are a guide. They’re there to guide us to set realistic goals and objectives for ourselves.Therefore, if we’re having negative thoughts, let’s learn from them.

Whenever we have negative thoughts about a task or goal, it's often because we’ve set the goal based on delusions or fantasies. We haven't broken down the task into small enough parts to make the objective seem attainable to us. Sometimes we just have to “chunk it down to small bites” (Demartini, 2016).

When we don’t do this, we become discouraged and negative about the goal instead of optimistic, and positive; we stop seeing our goals as attainable instead of seeing ourselves as accomplishing them.

Our negative thinking can be a guide that brings us back to set true, measurable and clear goals that get us closer to our desired outcome.

So, instead of trying to get rid of our negativity, let’s understand how to use it, transform it and be thankful for it. Negative thinking is in our psyche for a purpose -  It’s there to make sure we don’t have delusions and unrealistic expectations about the steps in between our current situation and the desired outcome.

We need to ensure that with the goal we set, we can see all its parts and steps, clearly. You can do this by breaking it down into smaller components, taking action steps, and learning when and how to delegate things. Let’s not forget to ask for help -- and most importantly -- to set realistic deadlines. Focus on what you want to achieve : perseverance and effort lead us to our goals.

With love,

Natalie

Good Fear vs. Bad Fear

“Does this fear mean I should go for it or does it mean I shouldn’t?” - People often ask me this.

Truth is we’re going to feel fear no matter what we’re moving towards because change is scary. Some of it has to do with the fact that we’re jumping into something unknown. And a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are naturally hardwired to resist it. When we’re making any change, whether it’s in our career or personal life, it’s important to understand whether our fear means “Yes, go for it!” or “Definitely no, cancel that!”

Let’s look at 2 types of fear: Fear paired with excitement and fear paired with dread.

Fear paired with excitement is energizing and effective. It means jumping into something unknown but you’re excited about it, because it’s in line with your values, your interests, your passions.

Think about a skydiver - yes, there are risks and unknowns in skydiving, but they do it because they get to experience something that matters to them: The view of the earth from 2 miles up and the sensation of flying through the air; The thrill and excitement that comes from the whole experience makes them feel alive.

As long as the fear you’re jumping into can be linked to your highest values, interests, and passions, you’re making the right call. So, if it scares you and excites you at the same time - Go for it!

Fear paired with dread is draining and demotivating. It means getting into something that’s probably motivated by the “shoulds” - not what you actually want. Either that or it’s inspired by someone else’s ideals (family, friends, colleagues...) and not what you’re actually into. That means the thing you are about to jump into is not linked to what you value, are interested in, or passionate about.

Let’s look at “John”, who got pressured into going to an event he really didn’t want to go to, because he: a) doesn’t like crowds; b) doesn’t like any of the bands playing at event; c) doesn’t really know most of the people that he’s going with. Chances are that if he’s an introvert who values being in a more intimate environment, with music he enjoys, surrounded by people he cares about, then this is not his ideal situation; he’ll be dreading the experience, and likely unable to show up as his best self.

So, if it scares you, drains you and you’re resisting it, better save yourself  the trouble - Abort mission!

If you can find a way of linking something you don’t really want to do, to your values, interests, passions, you’re way more likely to do it without dragging your feet. For example, if you value connection and relationships, you’ll put up with going to an event you’re not that into, because it means supporting someone or a cause that matters to you. Or, if you can look at how fulfilling this action will get you closer to what you value, great! But until then, you’re going to be experiencing the “bad” fear, because you’ll be getting into something for the wrong reasons and probably either resisting it, half-assing it or failing at it.

So, save yourself some dread and find out what your true values are, so you can live and work accordingly.

With love,

Natalie

The A Word

Plato said "Nothing in the affairs of men (and women) is worthy of great anxiety."
 

I couldn't agree more.

Years ago, I experienced what I later discovered to be an anxiety attack. For days I had an uncomfortable tightness in my chest, shortness of breath, and insomnia. I finally decided to go get it checked out. I spent an entire afternoon in the hospital, where they ran tests, and took samples to give me the diagnosis: “There’s nothing wrong with you, all the tests show you’re clear. Are you under a lot of stress?” 

I paused for a while before I could respond. Reality was - I didn’t really know whether I was stressed or not. I hadn’t ever really stopped to think about it.  I had gotten so used to being in flight mode, that it had become the norm for me - just smile, and carry on. Only this time, my body was trying to tell me something, loud and clear. Looking back, it was only a matter of time before I was going to have a break down. In the year and some months leading up to the anxiety attack, I was under a huge amount of (self-imposed) pressure. This is when I knew I had to make some big changes in my life. 

Earlier that year I came out of long term relationship, was working in a stressful and demanding job, got the shingles and suddenly was greeted with some not-so-awesome food sensitivities that took me away from some of my fave vices - pizza and ice cream! Between those things, a busy social life, and all the unrealistic expectations I was putting on myself, I hardly left any time to just chill.  

What I was missing most in my life was balance, presence and time to recharge.

Even to this day, when I start neglecting self care for too long because I get too wrapped up in the hussle and bussle, some of the anxiety symptoms slowly come back and that’s my trigger to reassess my priorities - me! My health and happiness.

Like with any adversity you bump up against, there’s always a silver lining when you look for it; the key is: ALWAYS look for how that experience served you (no matter how difficult it was), and what it taught you. 

My experience with anxiety taught me about the importance of implementing a few small things into my day-to-day that have made a huge difference for me, and my overall well-being. I encourage you to take an hour for yourself every morning to: 

1) Meditate

Meditate as soon as you wake up and before you go to bed.

Start your day off with a silent or guided meditation, it’s the best way to start your day. Do this for at least 20 minutes (you can work up to this). Speaking for myself, and other daily meditators,  there is a huuuge difference between the days I do take the time to meditate versus the days that I don’t - whenever I don’t do this, my day always seems a bit off.

Also, forget expensive creams, and sudoku puzzles - daily meditation has been proven to slow down the signs of aging, and improve memory. (Speca, 2000) 

Finish your day off by focusing on your wins for the day. What was awesome about today?  An attitude of gratitude is the way to go. When you consistently take the time to be grateful for what is present in your life, you’ll be surprised by what shows up in your life.

Consider keeping a gratitude journal by your bed in which you track your wins for the day, no matter how big or small.

2)   Move

Include in your morning some form of exercise or movement -  whether you’re taking the scenic route on your walk to work, doing yoga, a bike ride, workout video - make sure it’s something you can commit to consistently. It’s not about how long or hard you work out for, it's about the consistency. So even if you’re doing something for 20 minutes -- regularly -- you’re on the right path because the intention behind why you’re doing it is key. 

3)  Get Inspired

Whether you’re into audiobooks, regular books, podcasts, Ted Talks, take at least 10 minutes to learn about a topic that inspires you before you start your hussle. Your morning coffee/tea or your commute to work can be the perfect opportunity for that. 
 

I challenge you to try these steps for at least 30 days - I promise, you won’t regret it ;)
 
Thanks for stopping by and reading
 
With love,
Natalie