“Does this fear mean I should go for it or does it mean I shouldn’t?” - People often ask me this.
Truth is we’re going to feel fear no matter what we’re moving towards because change is scary. Some of it has to do with the fact that we’re jumping into something unknown. And a lot of it has to do with the fact that we are naturally hardwired to resist it. When we’re making any change, whether it’s in our career or personal life, it’s important to understand whether our fear means “Yes, go for it!” or “Definitely no, cancel that!”
Let’s look at 2 types of fear: Fear paired with excitement and fear paired with dread.
Fear paired with excitement is energizing and effective. It means jumping into something unknown but you’re excited about it, because it’s in line with your values, your interests, your passions.
Think about a skydiver - yes, there are risks and unknowns in skydiving, but they do it because they get to experience something that matters to them: The view of the earth from 2 miles up and the sensation of flying through the air; The thrill and excitement that comes from the whole experience makes them feel alive.
As long as the fear you’re jumping into can be linked to your highest values, interests, and passions, you’re making the right call. So, if it scares you and excites you at the same time - Go for it!
Fear paired with dread is draining and demotivating. It means getting into something that’s probably motivated by the “shoulds” - not what you actually want. Either that or it’s inspired by someone else’s ideals (family, friends, colleagues...) and not what you’re actually into. That means the thing you are about to jump into is not linked to what you value, are interested in, or passionate about.
Let’s look at “John”, who got pressured into going to an event he really didn’t want to go to, because he: a) doesn’t like crowds; b) doesn’t like any of the bands playing at event; c) doesn’t really know most of the people that he’s going with. Chances are that if he’s an introvert who values being in a more intimate environment, with music he enjoys, surrounded by people he cares about, then this is not his ideal situation; he’ll be dreading the experience, and likely unable to show up as his best self.
So, if it scares you, drains you and you’re resisting it, better save yourself the trouble - Abort mission!
If you can find a way of linking something you don’t really want to do, to your values, interests, passions, you’re way more likely to do it without dragging your feet. For example, if you value connection and relationships, you’ll put up with going to an event you’re not that into, because it means supporting someone or a cause that matters to you. Or, if you can look at how fulfilling this action will get you closer to what you value, great! But until then, you’re going to be experiencing the “bad” fear, because you’ll be getting into something for the wrong reasons and probably either resisting it, half-assing it or failing at it.
So, save yourself some dread and find out what your true values are, so you can live and work accordingly.
With love,
Natalie